The Meeting
by anjel919
Summary: I don't want to be here but I am. I need help, I need someone to talk to. I need to know I'm not alone. Paige
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or its characters...need I say more.

A/N: _Italics mean thoughts of the character. _Regular script means spoken words and background information.

My Thanks and recognitions:

**Kaitlinbell: **Thank you once again for the kind words and making me smile. I promise nothing else until your kitchen story is done. This just begged to be written.

**DegrassiLuver4Ever11: **Thank you so much for reviewing my last story. Just as an FYI I think I can extend it one chapter for you. I may have an idea, just need to see how it pans out.

**EzraFitch: **You flatter me with your sweet words. I emailed you back, I hope you received it. Feel free to email or IM me on yahoo anytime. I hope you enjoy this one as well.

This may contain some sensitive materials that some people may not wish to read. After you read the first sentence of the third paragraph and don't like the topic, please use the back button. This is what the entire thing is about. Be forewarned.

The Meeting

_I cannot believe that I am here. Wait, why am I here? I did not want to do this. I do not want to do this. I am here because he forced me to be here. I know he means well, but it is not his story it is mine. It is one I do not want to share yet. He is poking me in the ribs and everyone is looking at me, guess it is my turn to talk._

I stand up and look at everyone in the room. It isn't even a pretty room, just kind of dull and there. I guess so we don't have anything to focus on but our stories.

"Hi. My name is Paige and I am a rape victim. You know what, I hate that term victim, and I am not a victim. I am a survivor. I have survived for almost two years with the looks, the glances, the whispers and accusations. I will continue to survive because I am stronger than this. I have the support of friends and family, but I was forced into coming here today. It is nearing the two year anniversary of the rape and my brother (pointing next to me at Dylan) wants to make sure that I am all right. I tell his that I am all right but he wants me to get help finally. I guess he is afraid that I will have the nightmares again or maybe just flip out like I did last year. In all fairness to myself, I only flipped because the one year anniversary I had to see Dean again at a soccer game. I think anyone would have reacted badly to that.

I have been asked some questions about the rape, but the one that I have always loved is; what happened? It is like they want to know all the gory details about something they would never experience. For their sakes, I hope they never have to go through what I went through. I would never wish this on my worst enemy. Here is what happened that night so long ago. I stupidly ditched my boyfriend to go to a party thrown by a rival school where this hot guy was going to be attending. I wanted this guy but not like that. He took the fact that I willingly went to his room as a sign that I wanted sex. When I tried to stop him, he forced himself on me. I look upon that day and realize that after a few minutes I was no longer in my body. It was like I was floating around the ceiling watching it happen but powerless to stop it. It was over in a matter of minutes and he just got off me, zipped up his pants and left the room. I pulled my panties back up, pushed down my skirt and ran for the front door. I felt numb. It was almost as if I was no longer me. I didn't want to be me, I felt like it was my fault. If I had not gone to the room, if I had fought harder, the ifs just kept coming and I blamed myself.

I went home that night and stood under the shower until it ran cold. I could not get clean. Dylan, my brother, heard me crying after I got in bed that night and came to check on me. I told him what had happened and he told me it was not my fault. I wanted to believe him. He stayed with me all night and helped me deal with the nightmares that eventually came. The next morning, I retold Dylan the whole story and it dawned on me that it was not my fault. It did not make it hurt any less but it did ease my guilt about even being there. A friend wrote a song about rape and wanted us to sing it in a talent show shortly after that. I broke down and started yelling and screaming at her over the lyrics. That day, I started to get counseling with our school therapist. I went for about six months and felt better about the situation. I still feel good most days but some days I feel like walking into on coming traffic.

I now have far more good days than bad and am thankful. I have learned to survive and stand tall. I hear the students whisper 'slut', 'whore', and even 'you know she is lying, she asked for it' and can now turn away. It still hurts that I am not believed because the guy that raped me is popular and everyone wants him. The people that matter most to me know that I did not want this to happen. They are the ones that know he took something special from me that I can never get back. He took more that just my virginity, he took my sense of security. I am gaining back the security and I still consider myself a virgin because my heart was not in it. When I chose to lose my virginity, it will be to someone I love and respect. I guess that is all I wanted to say. One more thing, thank you Dylan for bringing me here. I guess I did need this more than I thought."

_I sit back down and wait for the murmurs to end. I know I just blurted everything out but it felt good to get it off my chest. Dylan is so sweet to try and help me. I know I have been a pain about this but I guess he knew best all along. Oh he is smiling at me._

I smiled back at Dylan and grabbed his hand. He squeezed my hand tightly as we listened to someone else talk about their rape. I lean into him and rest my head on his shoulder.

_It is so nice to know that I am not alone in what I have gone through. It is even nicer to know that I am supported and loved by my family unconditionally. Dylan must love me, who else would sit through a rape crisis meeting for an hour, not having gone through a rape themselves. I love my older brother. _

We stand up to leave and I pull Dylan gently against me in a hug. "Thanks big brother. I Love You." He smiled down at me with a tear in his eye. "I love you too Paige. Let's go home." Dylan said taking my hand again. I walk with him to his red and black Thunderbird convertible.

The End

A/N: I know this is kind of short and a one-shot but I got a sudden burst of inspiration while attending a meeting myself. I realized that everyone dances around the subject of Paige's rape but no one ever really confronts it. I figured it was time for Paige to confront it. Reviews are always welcome. I realize that this may cause some flames but that is okay. They will be taken in the context in which they were written. Constructive criticism is always a must.


	2. Chapter Two

Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi but I do own this story. I do own this story, it's my story about my experience.

Thank you to my very few reviewers of the first chapter. I appreciated all three of them...

I had to update this mainly because it has been nagging at me for some time now.

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The Meeting Chapter Two

I went to another meeting after the upset that is dubbed my trial. I needed to know I wasn't alone in what I'm feeling. I didn't feel like talking but I listened, a lot.

This one girl, Lissa, had a story that makes me grateful that I was only raped. It could have been so much worse. Let me retell it for you now...even though this is only my journal and probably no one will ever see it. I want a reminder that it could be worse.

A young woman stood up and headed for the podium at the front of the room. She was a pretty girl; long straight brown hair, brown eyes, a light olive complexion, and an athletic body type. She was definitely in shape.

Then she spoke in the most cultured southern voice.

"_This isn't where I normally go to meetings but I'm here on vacation. My name is Lissa and I am a rape survivor. It is the 11th anniversary of my rape and it still hurts some days. I'm sorry to say that for those of you just starting your road to recovery but it's the truth. You'll hear that everything will be okay, that you'll forget about it soon enough. For the most part, they're right. You'll have days that you won't forget but you won't think about it at all. Then you'll have a day or two where it just flits at the corner of your mind, taunting you, waiting for the memories to come back. Then, you have the worst day, the day that it's on your mind from the moment you wake up until the time that you manage to drag yourself back into bed and toss and turn until you fall asleep. _

_Those are the days that I used to dread. Now, I take them in stride...I keep going. I work through the pain and memories. I hope you won't have to go through what I went through after the rape._

_I know we're all in the same boat here. Some of us are lucky and got the oars to go with it. I had to fashion my own oars out of material on hand._

_I was raped when I was 15. He was a good friend of mine that I never thought was capable of what he did. Wonders never cease, he did rape me. I blamed myself for almost 2 years before I could deal with the fact that it wasn't my fault. I didn't ask for him to take my virginity. In fact, I said no._

_I thought at the time that this was the worse day of my life. I proved to be completely wrong on that count. It currently ranks in the top three still though. _

_The worst day of my life happened about three weeks later. I found out I was pregnant. I couldn't believe it. Shock couldn't even register with what I was feeling at the moment the doctor told me. _

_I remember thinking, 'Pregnant? Wow! It can happen on your first time.' The thought now seems absurd and totally like the last thing you'd ever think of anyway but it was the only thought that popped into my head. _

_Now, I was faced with the most difficult decision that I've ever had to face. Whether or not I could keep the baby, and if not how to make the problem disappear. _

_I'm Catholic and abortion is out of the question for me. I'd seen too many videos about abortion and couldn't even put myself through that. _

_There was adoption, which seemed like a good idea but not a final decision for me. I could always keep it._

_I made sure to do everything right, take my vitamins, eat properly and exercise. I did everything by the book. I was healthy, a little stressed but physically fit._

_I decided to keep it by the beginning of my fourth month. I couldn't see letting him go. I found out I was having a son and I remember feeling happy and a sense of peace falling over me. It was very bizarre._

_I miscarried at the beginning of my seventh month. It was the most confusing day of my life. I was relieved and yet sad. I was relieved because I lost the baby and wouldn't have to face my child everyday knowing he'd remind me of a day I'd rather forget. I was sad because I had already bonded and gotten used to the idea of having a baby._

_Enough about the pity party for one. I just needed to talk today. I needed to rehash everything that happened. I know some of the people here have been through worse things and some of you haven't seen what I've seen but we are here because of one common problem. We were all raped. I know that seems like such an unfeeling statement but it's true._

_I was raped. Okay, that statement hurt to say but I'm still standing. You can either let the rape overcome you or you can overcome the rape. I don't let the rape define me when I walk out of these doors. I define who I am and what I am. I hope each of you will see my point on this one. _

_Now to sound trite, tomorrow is another day. Nothing is as bad as it seems. There are so many more statements I could regurgitate that I've had the distinct pleasure of hearing over the last 9 years. _

_The scary thing is, they're right. Tomorrow is another day and nothing is as bad as it seems when you look back at it. You can survive anything you put your mind to. _

_I guess that's it. I hope I might have helped someone by relaying all of this for you."_

She stepped away from the podium and sat down in a chair away from the stage. I looked at her for a minute and then turned my attention to the other girl who started to speak.

I listened to a few more speakers and then the meeting dispersed.

I caught up with Lissa at the door. I wanted to say something to her...I just didn't know what yet. I was hoping it would just happen.

I touched her lightly on the arm and she turned to look at me. "Yes?"

"I just wanted to thank you for speaking tonight. You gave me a new perspective on the whole rape thing and what happens afterwards. I'm lucky I didn't get pregnant and I'm so lucky I never had to face what you did. I know if you can keep going after everything you've seen, then my pain should be a piece of cake."

She looked at me and smiled warmly. "Thank you for that. I'm glad to know I could help out at least one person here."

She walked out of the room and I don't expect to see her ever again. I can't say I won't ever think about her though. She changed my outlook on everything. She'll never know what that meant to me but I will.

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